Social Wealth Hacks I Wish I Knew at 22*
I’m currently reading a book called The 5 Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom, something I picked up at the library on a whim. I texted my husband a photo of the book. “Sounds interesting,” I said. He hearted it. I thought that was it. But I took it home, despite my reservations.
You see, when a book, especially a nonfiction title, uses words like ‘transformative’ or ‘wisdom’ or ‘dream life’ I am leery because while I do believe that a book can change your life, I don’t believe that a single book should declare it as if it were a fact. As an author, I think you should let the reader decide. All of which is to say, I kept my expectations low when I began reading it.
I’m only halfway done, but so far, I am leaning towards this book being transformative as it promises. It’s different from other money/psychology books I’ve read in the past (and there were many) in that the author takes a different approach to wealth. Wealth, to Bloom, is not just about money. It’s about other aspects of your life, such as time, physical health, mental health, social relationships and so on.
One particular area that has proven to be truly different is when Bloom talked about ‘social wealth.’ He defines social wealth as “the depth of connection to those few important, irreplaceable people in your world.” It’s what the Harvard Study of Adult Development ultimately landed on—that the quality of your relationships is what matters toward the end of your life. A truly powerful phrase comes to mind: “the only people who will remember that you worked late are your kids.”
Social wealth is something that’s been on my mind for a while now. And when I read the author’s version of social rules that he wished he knew at 22 (p. 161-163) I was knocked off my feet. I highly recommend that you read that part in the book, if nothing else. Some of his ‘hacks’ include:
Happy people love people, use things, and worship the divine; unhappy people use people, love things, and worship themselves.
If you have too many deal friends, you won’t have enough real friends.
Say exactly what you mean. No one—not even your family—can read your mind.
Feelings are contagious—don’t spread the virus of misery.
That said, I was inspired to write my own version of social hacks. This is a work in progress for a book I’m writing for my daughter, a book of wisdom that I plan to give to her when she turns 18, or when she leaves my home, whichever comes first.
Without further ado, here is my list of 221 hacks, subject to change:
Whenever you see someone having a sour look on their face, remember that they are probably having a bad day. Don’t ask “Are you okay?” Instead, ask “How can I help?”
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
It’s never a good idea to publicly shame someone. Or a company, for that matter. While it’s so tempting to go online and let the whole world know the kind of bad service you received, remember there are many factors that contributed to that bad service. You don’t have all the answers. You only have your own perspective, and it’s only one side of the story.
It never hurts to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ even when delivering bad news.
Speaking of bad news, follow this formula when delivering your bad news to someone: start with something neutral → bad news → end with something positive. Here’s an example: you’re unable to attend your best friend’s baby shower.
“Hi [friend’s name], I’m so glad that you invited me to your baby shower. Unfortunately, it does coincide with my 5k run so I’m going to pass. However, I sent you guys a gift from your baby registry. I think you’re going to love it. Please send me some photos. Love ya!”
Treat people the way you want to be treated. This is obvious, but we don’t always know when we’re being a bad friend. If someone tells you that you’re disappointing them as a friend or a partner, look within yourself to find out why.
When embarking on a new adventure, such as a job or program, you won’t have all the answers. Fake it till you make it.
Everyone has a desire to be heard, even if they don’t say it. Remember to listen.
Small details matter. It matters a lot.
Make your bed every day. It will help you feel better later in the evening when you get ready for bed. It also makes you more impressive if someone comes over and *gasp* sees your bedroom.
When all else fails, be kind. Kindness is never overrated.
Trust yourself first, before anyone can trust you.
Speaking of trust, always trust your gut. It will tell you when something feels wrong or right.
At some point, people will judge you for the way you look. Sorry, but that’s just how it is. So remember to brush your hair, your teeth and dress appropriately for the occasion. When in doubt, be the one who’s overdressed. It’s always better than the one who is underdressed. Why? Because people will assume that the former is mature and ready to be taken seriously while the latter is lazy and ill-prepared.
Just because you’re not in college anymore doesn’t mean you should stop learning. Always seek out interesting people to learn from, whether it’s online or in real life. Ask them questions about themselves and listen carefully.
No matter how busy your life gets, make time to read every day. And yes, audiobooks count. Children’s books count. Either start your day by reading or end your day by reading but do read.
Talk to people who have jobs you can’t possibly imagine yourself doing. For me, this includes park ranger, waste management driver, construction worker, coffee shop barista, and grocery meat cutter. Why? Because one day, you may find yourself in such a job. Who’s on the receiving end now?
Keep your expectations low so that when things do go right, you will be pleasantly surprised.
Certain things in life are a given, but respect is not one of them. You must first give respect in order to earn it.
Ask people for help when you need it. (Personally, this is still hard for me). The worst they can say is no.
To break the ice in an awkward social situation, give someone a compliment. Then ask a follow up open-ended question.
If you ever reach the point where depression hits hard and you feel like you’re at your lowest, that means you have reached the summit. Things can only get better from that point on. Read Matt Haig books. He’s been there and came out on the other side, and his words will guide you.
*Why 22? Because this is usually (not always, but usually) the age when those of us who went to college right after high school will graduate. At that point, you are old enough to go out into the real world but not old enough to truly understand it. Hence, a pivotal point in time where wisdom from others might be welcomed. I certainly would have welcomed these rules when I was 22.