On wisdom for my 20-year-old self
If I could go back in time, this is what I'd tell her
Hi friends,
As of Saturday, November 27th, I’ve completed my NaNoWriMo challenge. More on that later.
Last night, I was doing some editing for a piece that a contributor wrote for the website - BooknBrunch.com (I’m on the editorial team there) about the author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and as part of my editing duties, I also do my due diligence by fact-checking what the contributor wrote…which led me down a small rabbit hole on the author’s website, and led me here, to an article in which Adichie contributed to on Net-a-porter.com titled “20 Incredible Women On What They Wish They Had Known at 20”1 which prompted me to think about being a woman in my twenties. Oh, what a fraught time it was.
Now that I’m no longer in my twenties, I’ve accumulated a small bucket of wisdom that makes me think: sometimes it’s better to be older, for when you are younger, especially if you have no older mentors—adults who can guide you and provide you wisdom and tell you what to do with your life—it can be really daunting to try to figure it out. I have no idea what I was doing when I was 20 other than going to class, studying, working part-time jobs, spending time with my then-boyfriend-now-husband and trying not to think about my impending future outside of the college bubble.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the article:
“It was as if, for many years, I was in a boat that had no oars – and you’re being carried by the current in a direction that you don’t necessarily want to go, or should go. Then, little by little – through life, therapy, study and the type of friends I chose and who chose me – you begin to discover the value of having an oar. And you can put the oar in the water and you can actually steer yourself.”—Jane Fonda, actor and activist
“I’ve only fully realized now, at the age of 36, that I never had the time – or rather, didn’t find the time – to make slowing down once in a while a priority. It’s easy to get swept up when you’re following your heart, but appreciating the present is an important part of the journey.” –Emilia Wickstead, designer
“I only learned in the past decade that whatever bad thing you are going through isn’t happening to you, it’s happening for you. I hold that really close to me; it really changed me, and I wish I’d learned it earlier.”—Ava DuVernay, filmmaker
“You are younger than you think. You will never feel like a grown-up. Never underestimate the power of a smile. You will never regret time spent with family and friends. Travel, travel, travel! Grades don’t really matter that much, hard work does. Go with your gut – it rarely lets you down. What does not kill you makes you stronger – truly.” –Alison Loehnis, NET-A-PORTER and Mr Porter President
That said, I’m inspired to include my own version as well…
Twenty pieces of advice I’d give to my 20-year-old self
Don’t worry so much about being an old spinster. You will get married and you will have kids in time.
Subscribe to the New Yorker. It will change your life. While you’re at it, subscribe to the New York Times too.
Stop chewing your nails (I’m still working on this).
For goodness sakes, do not major in business management. Business, yes, because those ideas are going to be useful later in life, but management…what are you supposed to do with that degree? Absolutely nothing! Trust me. Focus on psychology instead. Also, while you’re at it, study more German.
Study the things that you’re interested in. You may have forgotten this, but you’re a creative person and a thinker at heart. So study whatever subject that allows you to improve your creativity and problem solving skills that can be turned into a profession. Architecture, creative writing, psychology, (see #4), etc. Don’t just study art for art’s sake.
Someday, somebody will pay you to write. Believe in this. It will happen. Work on improving your writing skills. Start writing that short story, then move onto a book.
Don’t be afraid to talk to people…especially people whose ideas are different than yours.
Study abroad! Europe, especially. Your interest in Germany and the UK will continue or emerge as the years go by.
On the same note, don’t worry so much about money.
Actually, worry about money but only to a certain extent. Accept the fact that traveling costs money, but the benefits will outweigh the costs.
Similarly, learn about opportunity costs. Revisit those basic economic principles.
You will be rejected a lot—don’t let this get to you. Especially if the rejection allows you to learn something about yourself. When you get rejected, get up and try again.
Before you have kids—travel, travel, travel! I’m not saying go into debt over it, but please make it a priority.
However, don’t think that just because you have kids doesn’t mean that you can’t travel. You still can. Don’t let certain lifestyle choices hinder you from experiencing life.
You will live with your kids, not for them.
Learn to recognize when a job is no longer worth it. Walk away sooner than later.
Study other people—people you admire, but try not to get into rabbit holes with one or two people. There’s plenty of interesting people in the present and in history. Expand your knowledge network.
Go to your professors’ office hours. Spend time getting them to know them. This is a good way to get a reference letter for graduate school, but also to develop long-term relationships.
You will be faced with many choices—just pick one and go with it. Don’t worry so much about researching every nook and cranny about that decision. If something doesn’t work out, then let it be a lesson learned and move on.
Read for fun. I know what you’re saying: ‘I have to read all these boring college textbooks, so I don’t have time to read for fun.’ These are all excuses. Stop making them. Read, read, read, Your brain will thank you later.
What advice would you give to your 20-year-old self? Reply and/or comment and let me know!
I highlight recommend reading this article, even if you’re not a woman. You might find some good nuggets of wisdom.
So many things I'd tell myself, I'd like to have a do-over, but I can't. I really identify in some of your list of items. I have never heard of Booknbrunch.com before, I'm off to check it out.