A Kiss to Your Future Self
On letting go, small wins and the wonder of H-Mart
I’m going to tell you something that will sound utterly cliché but it’s true—sometimes I feel pangs of inadequacy when it comes to my writing. Supposedly, there’s an angel side and a devil side in everyone, and my devil side creeps in once in a while and tells me “It’s not good enough” or some variation of that. Then it parks itself toward the back of my brain, making me pause every time I want to write or post something. I ask myself:
Will my words be misconstrued?
Will anyone get it?
Will anyone care to read it at all?
Part of this is due to the fact that I was in a very toxic environment with a certain company last year. As a matter of fact, exactly a year ago a big media conglomerate that shall not be named hired me as a contract features editor. I was ecstatic. Here was an opportunity to showcase my editing skills. I’ve always been fairly good at editing my own work, I thought, so why not do it for others?
Immediately, they expected perfection. Within weeks, I was called out for (what they considered to be) misplaced periods and commas. It got down to the nitty gritty that I felt incredulous, wondering why they were trying to become The New Yorker when they were clearly not. Long story short, it made me question my abilities. A LOT.
So it was a big personal step when I submitted a poem I wrote for a writing contest this week. I am 110% sure that I will not be selected as the winner. Why? Because it’s not good. I knew it wasn’t good when I submitted it. I am no poet. I shy away from poetry because it intimidates me.
But that’s not the point, I tell my current self. The point is to get your work out there, to have someone other than yourself review it. Who am I to say what’s good and what’s not?
Sometimes it’s hard to see your path toward improvement when there are so many roadblocks in the way, I tell myself this week as I celebrate several small wins. Submitting a poem to a contest was one of them. I also gave up on a book that started out strong and hilarious but took a dramatically dull turn a third of the way in. I realized this when the author spent an entire chapter talking about the weather, the gloomy, wet skies of the Pacific Northwest (he lives in the Seattle suburbs). It was supposed to be a memoir about fixing up a cabin. This was especially hard because I am the type of person who hates giving up books, especially if I’ve invested more than 50 pages in. But I have to cut the cord where it’s due, so as to allow myself the pleasure of reading better books. Time is precious, after all.
Time and money comes to mind when I think about my future self as I made my way to the bank to make an IRA contribution before the tax deadline. Within 15 minutes, my husband and I had squirreled away a certain amount for our future, even though all signs right now are pointing to a downward turn. “Get ready to lose your money!” the news seems to say. But I know from studying economics and business that the stock market will eventually right itself. The game is long term, so long as you’re willing to play it.
Afterwards, we hopped over to the H-Mart nearby for some Korean treats which, in this case, is spam musubi and the ridiculously good (but spicy) seasoned dried squid along with a jar of kimchi and some snacks for the kids. H-Mart also has a fantastic selection of chilled beverages and so, we helped ourselves to some iced coffee with milk, a perfect complement to this gorgeous weather we’ve been having lately.
“You know what we just did there at the bank?” I asked my husband on our way out.
“What?” he said.
“We just planted a kiss to our future self,” I replied. “Or is it a kiss for your future self?” (I’m still thinking editor terms here).
“You’re a goofball,” he said.
“I’m serious,” I continued. “Instead of shooting yourself in the leg, it’s like you’re giving your future self a kiss by saying, ‘Hey I saved up some money for you. Now you can live the way you want to. You’re welcome.’ Isn’t that great?”
Now I’m going outside to enjoy the breeze and sunshine. But before I do, here’s some truly delightful things that made me think of future time and place and what it means for our sense of belonging.
Delightful Discoveries of the Week
Watching these videos totally made my week. I hope it will do the same for you.
My new best friend (sorry, hon)
If, like me, you’ve ever wondered whether you should (or could) hire a personal assistant to do household chores that you loathe, then you’re in for a treat. The amazing humanoid robot1 presented in this video might just be our future after all!
A Scottish village…in the Italian alps
This short video captures a perfect amalgamation of history and culture. A village rising out of the Alps hundreds of years ago, a story proudly passed on from generation to generation. What a beautiful place.
a robot that lives in your home and does whatever tasks you want.
Creative folks have to be tough to weather the storm of self-doubts that assail many of us so frequently. Ditto for those who squirrel their money away for retirement, especially right now. Keep going, Hoang. That title alone —a kiss to your future self—is wonderful. I hope you win the contest. In my book, you already won by submitting a poem!