Für Elise in Our Future
Mother's Day, my tips for getting stuff done and an interesting conversation with my son
Ever since she came home from Outdoor School, my twelve-year-old has been constantly strumming her guitar. It’s not to say that she doesn’t practice every day, because she does; however, it seems as though she’s been enamored with a particular song—Für Elise. During her practice time after school and after dinner, she strums the chords, at first a bit awkwardly but eventually, she figured out where her fingers needed to be, and it sounds absolutely beautiful on the guitar.
Aside from the treat of hearing my kids play music in the house, I also got another treat for Mother’s Day. This past Mother’s Day also marks fifteen months since my mom passed, and I can’t say that it’s easier, only lighter. Do I wish she was still around? Yes. If she was, I would’ve asked my kids to play her a song on their respective instruments. Later, we might have taken her to church, where they celebrate the day with a single red rose for every woman (not just moms!) who attend their service. She would’ve also gotten a big bouquet from us, at which point she’d make a sound similar to a ‘harrumph’ (her way of saying ‘thank you’) and then place the bouquet in one of her vases, where it will luxuriate on her dining room table for the next two weeks.
Remembering My Mother
“I never know when God will call me,” my mom used to say. “The only thing I can do is pray for more days.”
But because my mom is no longer around, we visited her grave instead with a bouquet of yellow mums. I felt somewhat sheepish and embarrassed at the fact that we hadn’t visited in a while—has it been two months or more? I don’t know. Most likely, she’s grumbling from above (or in this case, below) asking why and I’d give her excuses about how “busy” we’ve been and this and that…the kind of excuses that children give to their parents when they can’t think of a true reason why they hadn’t stopped by.
I felt so loved by my kids and husband on this Mother’s Day. They showered me with a bouquet of hand-picked flowers, handmade cards and the fifth Harry Potter book. As you will probably guess, I am a huge Harry Potter fan and want to own a hardback copy of every single HP book because I want to read it again and again and again. I had an intense urge to drop everything I was doing and go read Harry Potter immediately but told myself, “Slow down, Hoang. The books will still be there.”
After visiting my mom’s grave, we treated ourselves to bubble tea at—where else but Ding Tea—and ended the day with delicious Chinese takeout, which was exactly what I said I wanted for Mother’s Day: baking, books, bubble tea and Chinese food.
Later in the week, I read this totally, insanely helpful post on self-discipline from author Mason Currey, who writes a newsletter called Subtle Maneuvers. I’ve followed Mason for a long time and have always enjoyed his posts on artists’ daily rituals, for it sometimes gives me ideas and inspiration that transcends into my own work.
The post is a collection of advice he gathered from an expert on Instagram, and I have to say—some of these real-life pieces of advice are truly helpful. It’s mainly advice geared towards creative work, but I think it can be applied to just about anything and everything you want to do.
I decided I’m going to have to steal—ahem, adopt—some of this advice, but you’re probably thinking: Hoang, do you have your own advice for getting sh&t done?
Why yes, I do. Thank you for asking. I outlined it all in a separate post for you here.
How I Get Stuff Done
Like you, I am no stranger to procrastination. Unlike you, I probably welcome procrastination in all of its glory. I’d rather spend my time daydreaming or imagining possible scenarios for the 15 books/stories I’m currently trying to write. Perhaps I should whittle it down to two, but in the meantime, I have my own t…
In the car on the way home from school on Monday, James and I were listening to One Direction’s ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ when he said, “This group is singing about a girl who doesn’t know that she’s beautiful. Well, why doesn’t she just look in the mirror? Duh!”
“That’s a good point,” I replied. “But maybe she doesn’t see herself as beautiful.”
“Huh?”
“It’s not that she doesn’t look in a mirror,” I said. “It’s probably that she doesn’t see herself as beautiful even though she is. Only he does. Makes sense?”
“I guess,” he conceded. I could tell his brain was trying to process this idea of seeing vs. believing, so I continued.
I explained to my son that some people have a condition called ‘body dismorphic disorder’ where they only see flaws in their body when they look in a mirror. That the flaws can be either real or imagined, but to them, it’s all real. Some do not feel at ease in their own body, as if they are completely disconnected from it.
I ended my pep talk with, “Make sure you tell your future girlfriend that she’s beautiful. And if not, then write a song for her, okay?”
I’m sure he rolled his eyes then. But the idea of body positivity must be planted early.
My house has been smelling like an overworked cookie factory lately. After a successful attempt at making chocolate chip cookies from the Snacking Bakes cookbook, I went on a baking spree on Tuesday, making not one but three different kinds of cookies: chocolate chip, peanut butter and oatmeal chocolate cherry. Most of the chocolate chip went to my kids, who took it to school to share with their friends, while the rest of the cookies were shipped off in cute little gift boxes to several people. Because nothing makes me happier than sharing baked goods with other people.
Delightful Discoveries of the Week
Every post, I’ll share a few delightful things that totally made my week. Here’s one this week:
Do you like Will Ferrell? Do you like Mark Wahlberg? Do you like them both in the same movie? Then you’ll love this movie as much as I did. It’s a hilarious take on modern fatherhood and all of its complexities. A good way to spend 1 1/2 hours is to watch two very different characters trying to be the best version of a father they could be. Sigh. I love early 2000s comedies.
This was a beautiful post.